Motivation: Seasonal, Internal, and Lack Thereof, or What I Did This Summer


It’s been an unusually full and fulfilling summer, and it shows in the utter absence of entries in this blog. 

Have you found that the more intriguing or engaging your external life is, the more other things and people act upon you, the less time you have for your internal life (ruminating, reflecting, daydreaming)? I’ve recently noticed this pattern in my own life.

Always good advice. via

In the winter, confined by lack of sunlight and utter inertia to the four corners of my room, I live almost entirely in my head (and under the covers in my bed). There’s no one and no where for external distraction or filtering, so all random thoughts, snarky complaints, and sarcasms rapidly build up until it finds release in the only readily available space: the limitless pixelated expanse of my computer screen.

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Winter is my time for hibernation, daydreaming, and voracious reading under mounds of warm blankets. It’s also when, in a less romantic and much less admirable fashion, my bandwidth usage increases exponentially, because either Hulu, Netflix, or Amazon Prime is on almost every waking minute in an effort to improve upon dreariness of everyday life by either:
  • 1) sheer fantasy 
    • -A hospital in which male OBGYNs outnumber females, and are somehow all incredibly attractive! 
    • -A world where cute-meets at a photo booth in a Parisian metro station is possible, and stealing someone's personal property and making him go through a city-wide scavenger hunt to get it back comes across as charming, ends up well, and is not extremely creepy/dangerous!

Pretty sure this only works when 1) you're Audrey Tautou, and 2) in movies. via
  • OR
  • 2) by comparison 
    • -A pre-plumbing world where all your favorite characters get killed off with excessive gore and violence! 
    • -A turn-of-the-20th century hospital where suction and surgical gloves have yet to be invented, and every surgeon is racist, addicted to cocaine, maniacally egotistical, or all of the above! (well, that last part - still potentially true).

Egotistical, but funny. via
Scrubbing isn't what it used to be. via

This can still potentially happen these days... via






Entrails, on the nails. No glove, but surgical love. via










Likewise, in the winter of my discontent, a.k.a. When Life is Positively Sucking, I’ve also found myself unable to rouse for anything but wallowing in a cesspool of pictures of perfectly arranged baked goods, inspirational quotes, and perfect lives; descriptions of vacations in far-away places; and ink on pages depicting imaginary heroines, fictional worlds, endless reiterations of Mr Darcy - basically living in vitro in novels, glossy magazines, and that infinite and delusional rabbit hole known as Tumblr/Pinterest/blogs/the Internet as a whole.


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But then! - arrives the spring, summer, and fall, when the world comes out to play, and the sun is bright, and every other open green space in the city holds some sort of beer garden, or free movie night, or DJ Deejay dance party, or former celebrity now in a poorly named band - ah! Life!

This is not a time for moody and quiet contemplations, typing of snarky comments on websites, or sedate flipping through pages of books. This is a time for gleeful frolicking, outdoor city exploring, spastic white-girl dancing without care to mind-numbingly STUPID summer hits incessantly stuck in your head. 

A really good summer song! Some really bad dancing... via

All thoughts simply dissipate from the brain - partly from overwhelming heat and dehydration, partly from delight - and creative inspiration is but a dream you won’t be having because you've stayed out until 4 am. 

But the earth turns, time is a flat circle, and winter is coming. And so, as days become shorter, and all thought processes, serious motivation, sarcastic observations, music obsessing, online trawling, and new episodes of TV shows once again return, so follows the explosive mental overflow known as my blog posts, for better or for worse.  


In other words, welcome back!

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